What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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