What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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