What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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