What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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