What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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