What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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