What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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