What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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