What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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