What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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