What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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