What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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