What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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