What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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