What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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