What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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