What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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