What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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