What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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