What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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