What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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