What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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