What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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