What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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