What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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