What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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