What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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