What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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