What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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