What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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