What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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