What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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