What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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