What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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