What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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