What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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