What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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