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What did the one penny say to the other penny?
We make perfect cents.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?
Because he never pays his debts.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?
It wasn't raining!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get in!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A hot dog
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do Santa's elves drink?
Minnesoda.
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Why does cheese look sane?
Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?
Put him in the front seat.
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