What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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