What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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