What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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