What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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