What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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