What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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