What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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