What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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