What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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