What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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