What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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