What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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