What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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