What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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