What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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