What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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