What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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