What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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