What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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