What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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