What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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