What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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