What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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