What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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