What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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