What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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