What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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