What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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