What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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