What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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