What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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