What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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