What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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