What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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