What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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