What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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