What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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