What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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