What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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