What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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