What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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