What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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