What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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