What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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