What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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