What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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