What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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