What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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