What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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