What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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