What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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