What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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