What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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