What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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