What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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