What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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