What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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