What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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