What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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