What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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