What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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