What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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