What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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