What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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