What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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