What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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