What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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