What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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