What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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