What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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