What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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