What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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