What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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