What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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