What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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