What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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