What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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