What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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