What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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