What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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