What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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