What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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