What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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