What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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