What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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