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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
What's a light bulb?
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?
A swordfish
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What did the picture say to the wall?
I've been framed!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?
A kitten.
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Where do horses live?
In the neigh-borhood.
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