What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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