What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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