What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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