What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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