What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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