What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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