What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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