What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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