What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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