What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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