What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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