What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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