What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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