What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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