What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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