What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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