What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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