What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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