What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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