What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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