What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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