What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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