What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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