What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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