What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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