What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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