What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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