What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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