What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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