What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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