What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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