What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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