What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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