What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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