What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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