What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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