What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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