What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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