What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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