What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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