What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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