What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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