What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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