What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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