What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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