What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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