What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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