What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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