What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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