What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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