What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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