What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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