What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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